I've been blogging for a few years but it's always been about fun stuff. Most people know me for posting things to customize our smart phones. This is my first blog about real life. I decided to start this blog basically because I needed a journal of sorts & to vent my thoughts through this nightmare that is now my life. I'll tell you the basics about my life for those who don't know me.
I am a 48 year old Mother of three. Two girls & a boy. My son is the middle child. My children are grown but that means nothing to a Mother. Your children are always your babies no matter their age. I have two grandchildren, a boy & a girl & one on the way, a little boy. The last 18 months have been the worst roller coaster of my life.
It started on the afternoon of July 10th, 2013. It was a Wednesday. It was a beautiful summer day. I was sitting on my porch drinking my coffee & smoking my cigarettes. I had worked the midnight shift the night before, my last shift for that week. My first born granddaughter was 15 days old. My nephew's fiancee, messaged me and asked had I seen the news, had I seen the indictments? I said no, what are you talking about. She said your son was indicted, by the federal government. My heart stopped, I became ill immediately. I was shaking so bad & was so dizzy & weak that I thought I might pass out. Then she sent me the news link... my son, my nephew & several of their friends were named in a 48 count indictment. I ran upstairs and woke my son up, he had just worked a midnight shift too & I hysterically told him the news...from that moment on I knew my life would never be the same. And it hasn't been. I called my sister-in-law & had to tell her. At first I think she thought I was lying. I sent her the link. She called my nephew & then came straight to my house.
No officers ever came to my house, there was no arrest, no federal agents...we didn't know what to do. So my sister-in-law made some phone calls & found out they would hand deliver the indictments with a court notice. It came about 10 days later, a federal marshal knocked on the door & asked for my son. He handed him this huge packet - the indictments & notice to appear. He was very nice, very respectful & said if we had any questions we could call him at anytime. My son went to his arraignment about a week or so later. He's been out on pre-trial probation since. My nephew wasn't as lucky. He violated his pre-trial terms & has been incarcerated since December 4th, 2013...it's already been a year. He's been in 3 different facilities in 2 different states. It's a fucking mess...
In February of 2014 my son took a plea agreement. They dropped all the charges but one for a lighter sentence. He was to be sentenced in June 2014. A week before his sentencing he received a letter from his lawyer stating there was a continuance. We would be notified of a new sentencing date. There were some new federal laws going into affect that would help my son's case so they continued the sentencing until November 2014 when the laws went into affect. Living in limbo, not knowing what's going to happen is one of the worst feelings ever. The "what if's" make you crazy. When everything first happened, I cried for a month straight. My kids hate to see my cry so I would get into my car to go to the "store" & drive to the parking lot down the street & just bawl. I cried in the shower, I cried in the middle of the night, I just felt hollow, empty & afraid. I realized they watched my child. They followed him & my nephew. They video taped them. I felt so violated. Every where I went, even to the grocery store, I thought are they watching?? I'm sure by that time they weren't & I seriously doubt they ever watched me at all. I have the most boring life ever, But you realize that someone can literally "watch" you & you have absolutely no clue. Both of their phones were tapped & I had no clue. You think about conversations you've had, where you went & you just can't fathom it.
Don't get me wrong, there were periods of normalcy between court dates when we just lived our lives. But "IT" was always there...The huge pink elephant in the room.
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